Thursday, August 8, 2013

The Case of the Calling Card Victims: Conclusion

And now for the conclusion of this adventure…

            “Why hello Jack!  What took you so long?  We’ve been expecting you to show up,” cooed a tall blonde from across the room.

            “Hello there Dollface, how could I refuse such an… intriguing invitation?  I just got a little waylaid by that precarious situation you landed me in.”

            “Hahaha, oh Jack.  What’s a little joke between friends?  Besides, I knew you’d figure it out eventually.  You always do.”

            “Friends don’t frame friends for murder Dollface, but I suppose you wouldn’t know that seeing as you have a habit of destroying all your friends.”

            “Now Jack, that isn’t fair.  I just… take advantage of the opportunities that arise… no matter who or what happens to be in my way.  I’m glad you finally escaped that prison cell though Jack because it was getting decidedly lonely around here.  I’ve already tried framing the Multiple Scleroses, Lupus, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia gangs, but I need a new source of entertainment.  That’s where you come in!”

            “No Sweetheart, that’s where you step out.  You’re not going to get away with any of this you know.”

            “Oh really… I think you’re wrong Jack, quite wrong in fact… Boys?  Why don’t you show Jack just how wrong he is?”  Just then two large men came up from behind me and wrapped their hands roughly around my arms.  “I appreciate you stopping by Jack.  I couldn’t trust that those Leukocytic Police would take care of things as conclusively as they need to be.  See, we can’t have as brilliant a mind as you running free and clear to figure this all out for the police or else we’d be out of a job!  And that just wouldn’t be very nice now would it…  Boys, why don’t you show Jack what we have all prepared for him, huh?”

            “You shouldn’t have left the calling cards!”  I yelled out quickly, somehow I had to keep her talking.

            “Hahaha, oh Jack.  That’s all part of the fun!  I suppose I can tell you since you won’t be going anywhere near another cellular being for a very, very long time.  See, once our friend the deer tick gave us our escape route into more… comfortable quarters, we took advantage of it.  Sure, we could have snuck in undetected, but what’s the fun in that?  You know what the best part is Jack, even with our tell-tale Bull’s-eye rash expanding throughout the epithelial circles, they still were suspecting other gangs!  Yes I killed those cells and there’ll be plenty more where that came from before we’re done or my name isn’t Borrelia Burgdorferi!”

            “Or as you’re better known… Lyme Disease!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.  At the sound of my signal, cops from the antibacterial force came rushing in and surrounded the Lyme Disease Crew.  “See Dollface, I wasn’t about to pay you a visit without a little insurance policy.  Thanks for clearing up the issue of who’s been behind this spree of murders so succinctly.  Makes our jobs of keep the streets clean so much easier with a full confession.  Take care of yourself Dollface… and don’t even think about stopping by for a visit, ever again.”  And with that, the gang was promptly taken into custody.  Thankfully, we’d caught them before they could do any lasting damage.  They’re not the sort of bacterial criminals you want raging around the city unsupervised.

             “Man Jackie Boy, I gotta hand it to ya.  That was some top quality detective work you did there,” Mikey said as he came up beside me.  “I’m glad I let you out when I did or we might have had a much larger problem on our hands.  How’d you figure it out?”

“Well Mikey, there’s only one lawless malady that can disguise itself so well and get away with it.  But there’s nothing quite like a boastful criminal leaving a calling card on their victims!  All in a day’s work.”

“Yeah, about that Jackie Boy.  The chief’s sorry he ever doubted you and said to tell you thanks for all the help.”

“Thanks Mikey, any chance the chief’s apology includes a little bit of dough for a job well done?”

“Haha, don’t push it Jack.  Just be happy you’re off the hook for this one.  Well, see ya around!”

“Yeah, until next time,” I answered back.  Now, time to hit a bar for some good, stout bile before that next time rolled around…  

Medical Morales to Remember:
  • Lyme Disease – infection of Borrelia Burgdorferi from a deer tick bite
  • Early Signs and Symptoms (Chart of Symptoms) – expanding rash (50-75% of people get a Bull’s-eye rash radiating from the site of the tick bite), joint pain, achiness, chills, fever, generalized fatigue, swelling of lymph nodes near the tick bite, headache
  • Later Signs and Symptoms – severe fatigue, stiff, aching neck, tingling and/or numbness in extremities, severe headaches, arthritis and joint swelling, cardiac abnormalities, debilitating neurological disorders
  • Lyme is often misdiagnosed at fibromyalgia, ALS, Chronic fatigue syndrome, autism, and MS
  • Lyme disease is hard to diagnose as blood tests are inaccurate
  • Prevention and Early Detection are key

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