“Hello, this is the 911
Emergency Operator, please state your emergency…”
“Oh thank goodness you
answered! We have a real emergency on
our hands. You see, I know an old lady
who swallowed a peanut!”
“A peanut?”
“Yeah! I really don’t know why she swallowed the
peanut, perhaps she’ll die…”
“From a peanut? Is she allergic to them or something?”
“No, no, not at all. She has renal failure. Have you ever heard of eating in
moderation? Well, she never seemed to
get that memo and it has gotten her into quite a pickle. You see, I got a call from a neighbor saying ‘I
know an old lady who swallowed a pickle.’
Come to find out, she swallowed the pickle to counteract the peanut, but
I just don’t know why she swallowed the peanut… Perhaps she’ll die…”
“From a pickle and a peanut?”
“Too much salt you understand… much
too much salt for her poor kidneys to handle, so her blood pressure was very
high when I finally found her. But before
I got there, she swallowed a whole bottle of Cola!”
“Let me guess, she swallowed the
Cola to wash down the pickle and she swallowed the pickle to counteract the
peanut, but we still don’t know why she swallowed the peanut…”
“Right,
right, with so much phosphorus in the soda on top of her fluid restriction and
everything else, perhaps she’ll die… But that wasn’t the worst of it.”
“It
wasn’t…”
“Oh no,
you see, then another neighbor called and said… I know an old lady who
swallowed a cow…”
“Ok
Maam, what is your… Did you say a cow? Like,
an entire animal?”
“Well,
no… she just went for all the fatty portions of beef. You see, she swallowed the cow to settle her
stomach, she swallowed the Cola to wash down the pickle, she swallowed the
pickle to counteract the peanut, but I honestly have no idea why she swallowed
the peanut. I told her she might
die… But that’s not the worst of it.”
Sigh…
“It’s not?”
“Oh no, you see, after she had
consumed all the other stuff, she figured she’d already had a bad food day, so
why not indulge in a little chocolate cake to top off the meal?”
“Oh
no, is she a diabetic too?”
“You
bet your bottom dollar! And when I say she
ate the chocolate cake, I mean she ate the entire double decker, chocolate cake…
it was killer!”
“Oh
my! Ok Maam, just tell me where to send
the ambulance and we’ll rush her to the hospital.”
“Oh
no, no, you don’t understand… she’s dead of course.”
Based off the old nursery rhyme, “I Know an Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly.” Have you ever noticed
how morbid some nursery rhymes can be?
Medical Morales to Remember:
- Five categories to limit with kidney failure: potassium, sodium, phosphorus, fluids and protein. For some great lists of what to avoid and gravitate towards in each category, check out the additional resources sections.
- Many renal failure patients have a comorbidity of diabetes, so carbohydrate intake is also an important consideration when teaching about renal diets.
Additional Resources:
- National Kidney Disease Education Program - Diet and Lifestyle Changes
- Spectrum Health - Simplified Renal Diet and Meal Plan
- Medical College of Wisconsin - Diet for Renal Patient
Cute, and relative!! Thanks for sharing!
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